When You Think Dreams Come True

Have you ever pushed yourself so hard to reach a dream? PA school has been my dream for the last two years, and yet, as I'm on the cusps of making decisions, things remain blissfully agonizing. 

If I rewinded myself back to last year, I can imagine thinking -- what are you doing? You're in such a blessed situation. You've already interviewed at these many places? Your dream schools? You have multiple offers? 

But now, I find my thoughts going more towards this: I'm not educated enough to make a decision. How can I weigh so many different factors? There's no perfect school out there, even though each is amazing in its own way. How do I know what's best for me?

So, today marks the day. The day I turned down a school's acceptance offer -- even though it offered me $10K less in debt, a scholarship covering a really cool rotation (Native American reservation, Scotland, anywhere?), and a graduate assistantship. I never thought it would be so painful, emotionally and mentally, and yet my heart was at peace. No matter that it took over an hour looking at the beautiful paperwork, turning away, then picking up the pen -- then asking more friends for a confirmed second (or more like fifth) opinion.

Let me tell you -- it's easier to face things down from a distance. But throw yourself in the thick of it, and you'll find yourself. You'll discover who you are, and may be pleasantly surprised. (Or the opposite). Regardless, it's another life experience to tack on.

So although I'm quite disillusioned and am not nearly as brave as I think I am, I'm reminded that it's all worthwhile. These cliches about dreams don't just come from nowhere. So rather than dramatizing about the unknowns of where I'm living, I'm taking it a step at a time. Two more interviews this month, and I'm sure my heart will tell me where I need to be.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. - Henry David Thoreau

10 Tips for Grad School Interviews

Here's what I've learned so far from interviewing at PA schools this year. Take it with a grain of salt, and interpret as you will. Have fun, and happy reading. :)

1. Don't be nervous. 

If you think that's not possible, because you're the type to stress out over everything and anything, let me tell you. You need to relax. Be normal, and be yourself. I think this is one of the most important factors to help you interview well! Nervousness can make even the most confident person stutter or mess up their words, and it won't be an accurate representation of who you are. It also shows that you are able to interact well under pressure. 

2. Don't think that this is your one and only option, that you're so desperate, that your universe will crash if you don't get in. 

Alright, you can feel that way inwardly, but don't let it show. No one likes super desperate people -- at least, not with grad schools. Rather, be confident in yourself, and let that maturity show. So when everyone else is sitting there tensely with stoic facial expressions -- I'm telling you, it's really obvious when you're nervous and/or desperate -- you can start conversation, break the ice (which is more like a glacier), crack some jokes, and get to meet new people. It's fun!

3. Don't over analyze or replay the interview over and over. And over. 

Someone told me that about 98% of people come out thinking they should've said this instead, or shouldn't have said something, or just honestly being overly critical. Yes, know what you could've done better, but for next time. The past is the past, and your interview is done. Done. 

4. Don't fall into the trap of sizing up the other applicants. 

I get it. It's natural. If someone's brought a parent with them, it's instinctual to have an opinion. Or seeing someone questionably dressed. But seriously? Be above that. Avoid topics (and people) who talk about their application, where they have been accepted, and also seem probing. You've all made it to this point. Use your time well and rather, take in the atmosphere. Constantly be thinking critically if you can see yourself thriving there, what reservations you have about the program, and if this is where you belong. 

5. Think positive. 

Yes, there's always the "what if". But you've come this far, invested time and finances. It's difficult to think all that energy and work wasted when you get a rejection. But when I interviewed at a place hundreds of miles away, I tried to think -- well, at least I can say I've traveled here on my own, saved myself some deposit money to reserve a seat, and got to see a beautiful place and meet others who may be my coworkers someday. It's a privilege and honor to make it as far as you have, and even though you may not have that acceptance just yet, don't lose hope. 

6. Learn. Use every moment there to absorb, so you can process it later if you have to make the decision between that school or another. 

Find out where students study. How well is the program set up? Are the students happy? Would you want to live there for 5, 10 years? What features of the program are different from others -- and is that beneficial or harmful for YOU?

7. Ask questions, but pay attention. 

Really find out about the school, so you're able to ask real, legit questions that will provide the most value to you. Don't be that person who always asks, Why should we attend your program? What makes it different from other schools? Seriously. Do some research, and you should already know this, so you can ask questions about it, rather than being clueless. 

8. No program is without its faults. 

You just need to know what is a priority to you, and what you're okay with. Are cadavers a priority? The length of each rotation? The pass rates for boards? The resources and size of the school? Tuition and living expenses? Although I wish that there was a perfect school for every one of us, there's not. Evaluate what's important to you, and do well to stick by it. 

9. Take the chance to get to know people. It'll make it fun and that much more interesting. 

By get to know, I don't mean asking about their "stats", or their background, or anything that could be interpreted as evaluating the competition. Care about them as a person; treat it like a mystery to unravel. You could be future classmates or coworkers!

10. Last, but not least, enjoy your time. 

Treat it as a new, interesting experience that is (sort-of) once-in-a-lifetime. Take advantage of all the new experiences you are presented with. 

What You Learn: Choosing that Gap Year Life

"Red Barn in Ohio". Original acrylic on canvas. 11x14.

5 Thing Learned From the Gap Year (so far):

1. Learn about yourself more. 

All that self-discovery, thankfully, didn't stop with Italy. Right from the beginning, I realized that the gap year life is hugely based on self-motivation. What time you wake up, how you spend your day -- it's never been this flexible since high school summers, I think. You learn about your real work ethic (in a way outside academics, less tangible than an exam grade), how you work best, and end up doing a lot of self-refection.

2. Learn how to improvise. Repeat up to multiple times per day. I do this a lot. 

Improvise doesn't necessarily mean settling, or giving in. It means to work with what you've got -- now.  First example -- a job recruiter briefly interrogated me: If you just graduated, why are you looking to work only part-time? (Hint: The answer is not that you need time to develop your creative being, practice photography, paint, keep up with your Italian roots, that you have diverse interests, or that you don't want to work full-time yet because you'll be doing that the rest of your life anyway.) I improvised, and mentioned that I wanted time to develop my Etsy business. Nevermind that it may have come out as a stammer of, Well. . I paint. On the side.

3. Learn about your interests, and pursue with a commitment. 

Before, I always had the excuse of being a full-time student and working as well, so you could easily say things like, I don't have time to read or other similar phrases. I'm happy to say that I'm getting back into avid reading again. Creative business books, health care books, deep-thoughts-about-life books. Whenever I feel like I'm struggling with my unemployed lifestyle and uncertain future, books have a way of being a supportive companion, constantly cheering you on.

4. Learn that the universe can seem to work against you, which leads you back to number two on this list: Improvise. 

Example: I applied for a pharmacy tech position at Walgreen's. 'Twas a cloudy, rainy day. You had to finish the application in person at a local Walgreen's to be considered. After a non-existent security question, lost passwords, and ten minutes later, their skills assessment wouldn't load on the computer. They accounted to the thunderstorm outside and told me to come back another day. Not one to be easily deterred, I tried to improvise and went to the next Walgreen's, where a teenage boy in khaki shorts was being interviewed at the time. Long story short, it didn't work there, either. Sometimes, improvising a certain way only takes you so far.

5. Learn to take advantage of every opportunity. Embrace your strange, non-traditional lifestyle that is full of unknowns. And that it will be okay. 

3 weeks of living this up-in-the-air life has taught me that each day is truly a unique adventure. One day, I'll whip out 2 paintings to keep Italy real to me. Another day I chose to "take off" -- not getting anything done, like job applications or painting -- and that's the day I scheduled 2 job interviews and got my first PA school interview invite!

I wish I could say my life is a certain predictable way, but the most common phrase I find myself uttering is, "I don't know." Just taking it a day at a time, with unanticipated struggles and joys, all mixed with some frustration and hope at the same time.

I am tapping into a place in you that is unexplored, and very dangerous, but I think essential to the creative life of an artist.

Brandon Boyd

The Start of My Gap Year

It's almost been a week since I've been back from Italy, but it's felt like both a millennium and a mere day.

I hit the ground running when I landed back onto North American ground, and within 48 hours, I had gotten a haircut, checked out a book from the library, bought some art supplies, picked up my mom from the airport, sent in 6 job applications, and started cleaning out my belongings. The next day, I surprised myself (but nobody else) by falling asleep at 2 in the afternoon and sleeping like the dead for 3 hours. 

It's been slightly less hectic since then -- but not by much.

It's a wonder how many things you suddenly want to toss out and reorganize once you've comfortably survived with a mere fraction of your belongings. It's as if my life is split: before Italy and after Italy. I've turned into one of those minimalistic creatures who have all these grand plans. At first, it seemed like I'd reached too far and nothing would get done.

But then I got these two books that launched my gap year off perfectly: Do More Great Work (by a plethora of authors) and Love Does (Bob Goff). I finished Love Does yesterday -- and wow. You don't have to agree with every line he says, but this man and his attitude towards life is pretty incredible and insightful. I haven't read through a book this fast since high school - so I highly, highly recommend taking a look. It's a fast read, full of short stories that will cause you not to just nod and agree, but want to do something about it. 

I've been making a list of dreams, goals, and whimsies for this year, and I already know firsthand -- it's going to take an almost infinite amount of self-motivation to live this year with no regrets. But I'm acquiring a buddy system, a support group, that even though it sometimes seems like I'm alone in this process, I need to remember that I'm not.

I'm also not one to care much about what the rest of the world thinks of me and my life, but for some reason, I always land the privilege of hearing its opinion anyway. Yesterday morning, I went to the dentist's, and predictably, the first get-to-know-you question was: "So what are you up to these days -- school? Or are you working?"

The hygienist gave me a sympathetic look at the mention of my job search. The dentist congratulated me with his typical silly demeanor, but yet with serious undertones, told me to goof off and enjoy it while it lasts. But with the wisdom of a old grandfather, he gave his stamp of approval at the mention of PA school. Later that day, during a pseudo-phone interview for a job, I'm asked about where my paintings can be found, and the recruiter came to his own conclusion: that I was a scientist who was trying to start up her art business but needed some extra cash.

I'm tempted to shake my head and smile, but I have a feeling I'll be doing that a lot this year. We'll let the world think what it thinks. Meanwhile, we'll see where life takes me with my paintings, jobs, and PA school.
Cheers to unknown adventures and the unlimited possibilities in life.

Intro: Reverse Culture Shock

Heading Home: 
Return. Rediscover. Readjust. 

My journey back seemed uninteresting to me until now. I'll be documenting it with these steps of return, rediscover, and readjust. Not every student will experience this to the same degree, and it doesn't affect everyone. I'm curious to see as to where I'll stand!

1. Return: the re-entry process back to home

The initial shock at this time can refer to the disorientation and perhaps frustration when you realize that 'home' isn't everything you remembered it to be. The basic stages are shock (I don't recognize this place anymore, everyone moves so fast), honeymoon (it's great -- my dog recognizes me, I can have Chipotle again), homelessness (for Italy: missing the interestingness, the independence), making peace (beginning to fall back to routine), and acceptance (being able to compartmentalize the experience in its proper niche). 

2. Rediscover: your own culture

I'll probably view American culture from a new perspective, and the different understanding can cause some minor hiccups. 

So, to you all at home, here's some thoughts you might have (or already have had) about me:
"I can't relate to her perspective. I'm tired of being reminded to 'think globally'."
"She's had the time to travel -- now it's time for her to come back to reality."
"If she mentions how they do things in Italy one more time. . . "
"All she talks about is Italy! I feel like my life is so boring when I hear about her adventures."

How I might be feeling:
"My friends have not matured and changed as much as I have."
"I feel like I am in the middle of nowhere -- really cut off."
"I thought I would be able to pick up where I left off with my friends, but I've had to start over again."
"No one listens to me, or cares about my experience, or how I lived."

Although all of the dialogues above are examples provided by the school, a few are freakishly accurate. I know I've already heard a few similar things from friends, and I've experienced feeling selfish on Skype dates when I'm constantly talking about me, myself, and I in Italy. It helps when I'm receiving updates in return, but I also think the last examples are the most accurate -- about others not wanting to hear and for me, no one wanting to listen. I'm in a constant stage of adjustment.  

3. Readjust: with a plan 

If you're reading my blog, you're already part of my support system for this journey back. To reconnect with you all, I plan on being proactive with setting up coffee/gelato dates with everyone. ;)
For myself, I'll create new opportunities and adventures by reading more (I have a list of books already), getting more involved with my community, painting constantly (while reviving my Etsy shop), exploring local events, somehow maintaining the Italian I've learned, improving my photography, job searching, and cooking Italian food. I'm excited to get back in the field of healthcare and see how my experience here will change the way I interact with patients and view medicine as a whole. 

Although I'm positive I'll pine for Italy like never before, I'm more ready to jump on the next boat, and see where that takes me. 

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not. 
Ralph Waldo Emerson 

{a sweet friend acquired on the road}

Am I ready to go home?

This post may seem premature, since I don't return to Ohio until May 23. My school, however, ends on May 9, so discussions center around plane tickets home and summer plans. It didn't help that one of my closest friends here left yesterday (she took the picture above at my school), as her program already finished.

The big question is: am I ready to go home?
or, from the other perspective, am I ready to leave Florence?

To a certain degree, yes.
Each passing day, I am more conscious of the fact and reminded of one more thing I'll come back to. This entire time, I haven't thought about the clothes I've left behind, and now I'm having visions of certain shirts in my wardrobe in Italy. I'm suddenly remembering all the cool things I own, including Italy-themed gifts from my friends, because to be honest -- I've completely forgotten about my things, after living like a minimalist here in Italy. Remember how much (or little) I packed? (Read about it here). Sadly enough, I'm also looking forward to fast, reliable internet. Walking into a cafe that advertises free wifi that's actually there. The affordability of food and clothes. Free bathrooms and water. Food variety. Chocolate chip cookies. Pancakes.

But most importantly, my assured readiness mainly comes from some major epiphanies I had recently about science and art. If there's only one thing I could share about what Italy has done for me, this would be it. Having this said epiphany facilitated my awareness and preparedness to return home -- because ultimately, I've gotten what I've come for.

On top of that, I've something to come back to -- and I'm beyond excited, to say the least. I'll save the details of grad school applications, summer plans, and gap year ideas for another post, but basically, I'm ecstatic about all the opportunities that await me: including the variety of jobs and ways I can spend my time. I have so many different cool experiences to look forward to (we can call the first part of my gap year: life in applications, since that consists of 97.5374% of it).

I'm ready to start another adventure when I return, because apparently, when you're out of school, you are FREE. Want to work full-time? Do it. Start up a new painting series by staying in your studio for 3 days? Why not. Work night shift? There's no class in the morning. 'Tis a strange transition that I've yet to wrap my mind around. I suppose society entrusts that I'll do well with my time.

But then the worries always sprout up: I won't be able to walk everywhere, I can't speak in Italian anymore, I won't eat as much (we'll see about this), or eat out as much (those handy meal tickets have spoiled me); I won't have a painting class, and I'll have to seek out where to satisfy my gelato cravings. I'm afraid I'll fall back to routine, and that my memories of Italy will fade away in some dark, distant corner in my mind. I cannot fathom how that's possible, as I think of my life now as before Italy and after Italy. I'll miss the fresh pastries, walking across the Ponte Vecchio, seeing the Renaissance that lives on here. 

 

To be honest, I'm almost scared to come back. Everyone else, I'm sure, has been undergoing their own changes in life, and I'm fearful of the term we call "reverse culture shock". I hear it's worse than culture shock, which describes the experience when you first are immersed in a new culture. Coming from someone who didn't experience immense culture shock coming to Italy, I'm truly afraid it'll be so much more difficult for me to adjust back. I think of Italy as my home, and the other day, we received a talk about what to expect for reverse culture shock, and I almost got emotional in class. I'll share more on this in future posts, because it's truly helpful for y'all to understand my perspective and for me to understand yours. 

Nowadays, my feelings consist of relief at coming home as well as nostalgia for Florence. I look forward to days when I don't have the hovering thought that this is a once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity; I must make every moment count; I need to try something new today. There's a subconscious pressure of constantly budgeting (hello, no paycheck right now?), constantly learning, absorbing, taking in new things, and making the most of it. It sounds like a great problem to have, but 'tis stressful. 
But on the other hand, I can't imagine not being here anymore, and that makes me into a more desperate person. The other day, I got up at sunrise to sit on the column of the Santa Trinita bridge (which may or may not be illegal), pulled out my watercolors, and painted the Ponte Vecchio with a frenzy I didn't know existed. 

So am I ready to come home? Yes. 

But am I ready to leave Firenze?
Not quite yet. 
I'm getting there, and my brain is adjusting, but we will just say that it's good thing that my time's not over yet.

Reflections: What Solo Travel Teaches You

To travel alone is to seek, discover, and pursue all the answers to your thoughts and questions. 

It is your adventure. 

Here's a short blurb of some notes I jotted down after my first solo trip. 

Far from a comprehensive list, this is a simple reflection of a few things I've learned -- I've got plenty of stories to share for each point. 

But from my experience, solo travel teaches you. . . 

• about how possible life can be -- that usually the thing that limits us the most is ourselves

• that you are in the world, as opposed to living in a bubble and interacting only with people you know

• about the magnificence of human generosity 

• that despite the immense differences throughout the world, they all pale when we realize we are merely human beings in ONE world {this registered whenever the classic iPhone ringtone went off wherever I traveled -- sad but true}

• the value in stopping, taking the time to capture that one fantastic photo, which can serve to transport you back to the moments

• people are fascinating: I'm more interested in the whys and hows of people's lives

• about myself: I'm a happy introvert with extrovert tendencies; I'm a planner that adds spontaneous touches

• how to tell your relevant life story in minutes to strangers -- the basics being where you live, what you're currently doing, where you've traveled, and why/how you're here. 

• that memories need to be valued. These memories are not the kind to experience and forget; they're worth holding onto, remembering, and sharing over and over and over 

• who you are. For me -- I'm a sojourner, perhaps more than I'd like to admit. {I became aware of this fact when I journaled: 

"I'm a sojourner, plain and simple. As I'm on the train from Milan to Santa Margherita -- a spontaneous decision prompted by the rainy weather -- I realize I feel so at home. Oddly enough, I'm more comfortable than I've ever been even in Florence, a surprising revelation to admit."

I got far more than I ever expected, and it complemented my study abroad experience perfectly. 
The deliberate leap was unknowingly scary, but it became one of the most fulfilling experiences in the end. 

“Only by going alone in silence, without baggage, can one truly get into the heart of the wilderness. All other travel is mere dust and hotels and baggage and chatter.” – John Muir

Just an Ordinary Conversation

I think being here has made me a more all-around, deeper thinker. I'm actually seeing the ordinary as something surprisingly remarkable, and so, my posts have been less about what I'm doing and more of what I'm thinking and what's impacted me recently. There's so much documentation to keep up with that I just need my blog to be different. I'll try to keep it balanced for all my faithful readers, but for those wanting pictures -- Tumblr would be your best source. 

I knew it'd be a feat to get out of the American study abroad bubble in Florence, but I'm excited to share that it's finally picked up. Sad, I know, as I only have about a month left. But just in the last two weeks, I've met up with an Italian medical student twice, had dinner with an Italian family, and now had this deep discussion with this Italian boy about life under the Tuscan sun. (In contrast, I don't think I had an actual conversation with an Italian for the first month and a half.)

Life under the Tuscan sun: 
through the eyes of a young and hopeful Italian 

This boy is doing a short internship at our school. 
He's here for 5 days and from my perspective, taking a short break from school and being used by American students. The intermediate-level students have to give a presentation on Italian lifestyle, and he's the prime victim for information. 

The Americans sign up for an hour of conversation with him, and he practices his English (but due to that, I've heard few Italian words exchanged, even though ideally, the Americans are supposed to practice Italian.)

Well, after one such appointment he had, I happened to be in the library near him, and we started talking. 

The Facts

He's 17,

got 9 turtles (that multiply every year), 
eats pizza with his family every Sunday, 
and lives on the outskirts of Florence.

He goes to a scientific high school 
(here they are segregated into classical, linguistic, art, etc. depending on what you want to do. They think about this earlier than we do). 
Usually these students want to be an engineer or doctor, but of course, he says he doesn't want to stay in school till he's thirty. The doctors here don't have as much job security as we'd think, so it's iffy. 

He's traveled within Europe - Barcelona, Paris, and Germany, but doesn't think highly of traveling solo just yet. When I tell him about my trip, he accepts my reasoning but refuses to call it a vacation. 
"What's the fun in going by yourself? If I want to visit somewhere, I would want to go with my friends." 
I'm just waiting for the day he converts -- because I'm pretty sure I would have said the same thing at 17. (Actually, I thought something similar -- a fear of not meeting people to travel with -- only a few months ago in January: see Travel musings post here.)

Ordinary conversation: 
revealing the hopes and dreams of an Italian boy

We then talk about comfort zone, and despite not wanting to travel solo, he loves the idea of expanding your zone. He says that once it gets bigger, you can't go back. That life is about expanding that zone -- of course, he's demonstrating this with his hand gestures -- and seeing a little bit more each day. He likes changing it up, doing new things, and he explains to me that the idea of having a real job for the rest of his life scares him. 

"I feel this heavy burden on my shoulders," he says when describing his feelings, "knowing that I have to do the same thing over and over again for the rest of my life."

That thought proceeds to freak me out too, so I say, That's why we choose something we love. 
We both agree on that. 
He asks what I'm doing, and I tell him about the PA profession that I'm trying to get into. 
This is quite a difficult thing to explain, as PAs don't really exist in Italy. Only a handful of countries have adopted this profession. He's interested, so of course, I explain more about it -- why I want to be a PA, and the differences from a doctor. 
I'm pretty sure I convinced him it was the coolest job ever, because he consequently asked me if they have it in Italy and how he could become one. :) Who knows -- maybe one day it'll happen and I'll have recruited an Italian, a Florentine, into the pre-PA club. 

Like many Italians his age, he has never been to the United States. If he can, he'd also like to visit the top destination Italians go to when arriving in North America -- New York. But of course, that'll be a ways forward in the future, due to the unspoken obstacle of money. I say, anything's possible. It may be extremely difficult, but figure out your priorities. It can happen. But until then, continue to enjoy all the Europe has to offer. 

We settle on that. Does he want to stay in Italy for the rest of his life? 
His answer is equally elusive as the future: "I don't want to work here, but I'd like to live here." I'll leave that interpretation open to you. 

Well, there you have it -- the highlights of our conversation that made me almost late for class and him missing most of his lunch break. But it was worth it (at least to me). I'm learning to stop, take the time, and see a bit more of the world through someone else's eyes. Although my days are overwhelmingly busy (yes, the "study" in study abroad does exist), I'm trying to snatch every opportunity I get. 

I'm all for those moments that do not directly change my life, but are remarkable and memorable at the same time. All of these amazing experiences are finally catching up to my brain, and I'm so excited to share all these life epiphanies. :)

Missed Opportunities

When I got onto my train from Milan to Geneva (during my 11 day solo trip), I promptly decided to forgo deciphering the languages being spoken. Perhaps it was due to my miserably failed attempts, or the fact I thought any European language outside of French, Italian, German, or Spanish -- always sounded like German. I've no idea why, as I studied German for two years and should be able to recognize it. After mistaking Finnish, Dutch, and Lithuanian all for German, I finally conceded, confessing my lack of linguistic education.

So when two elderly ladies happened upon the seats behind me, conversing loudly in English (with some indecipherable accent -- I told you, I gave up), I felt taken aback. It then arose into a situation in which you could either disregard them as fetchingly obnoxious, or simply (and passively) listen in.

Opting for the latter, I heard a firm declaration: "We make our life what we want it to be."
As they discussed the life of a mutual friend (who had apparently been defying this mentality), I imagined myself in a movie, straining to figure out where this conversation was going.

"You cannot say, because this happened to me, I cannot be this. You need to stand on your own feet."

Such serendipitous words. After some vague back and forths about missing out on life opportunities, self-analysis naturally wormed its way in.

"Now, I could care less what people think of me. Because look -- even today, she is not free. Not free in herself to do what she wants." 

Rather than setting an atmosphere for criticism, the tone of these ladies mourned the regrets in life and made me reflect on how I was doing. Feeling more grateful by the moment for doing this trip, I vowed to deliberately choose to make the moments count -- to never shy away out of fear from past experiences or let myself limit my options. To make myself go out of the comfort zone (which we all have) and step out of the box.

Of course, it's one thing to apply this motto under unique circumstances, like when traveling or studying abroad. But what about in the daily humdrum of working life? Or even school?

Do we ever consciously realize when we fit the mold of others' expectations (versus our own) -- or is that a privilege left for others? When was the last time you felt like you couldn't do something because of something that has happened? Practical limits exist, of course, but we usually over exaggerate them, spinning them into excuses that simply grow larger and larger as we get older. 

I believe it's a healthy thing if you can recall choices you've made, and you sometimes wonder -- but what if? From the flip side, have you ever had moments when you chose the path that deviated from the "normal" expectations, and were rewarded with utter freedom? And you wondered how you ever could have considered doing anything else?

Too often we see our limitations more than our prospects, so I wanted to encourage everyone to initiate, to pursue, and shorten that list of missed opportunities.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose."

Dr. Seuss

I Lived: notes from my first solo trip

To start off, there exists no tangible way to describe everything meaningful I've gone through since starting on my solo trip. I've brainstormed, pondered, and agonized over what to share and how to share it. I had some of the best experiences of my life, and at the end of the trip, arguably, some of the worst. (But not to worry -- I'm safe and nothing happened in that regard.)

If God had told me before embarking on this trip that I'd be walking around Geneva at 5am alone, doing major problem-solving on 1.5 hours of sleep, bawling my eyes out in front of Swiss men at a train station while relaying my dilemmas, or missing my train back because my baggage (and passport) was locked up, I probably would've passed out from an anxiety attack, ditched the trip, and remained in Florence. 

But if I'd known that I'd be in moments of utter peace at the top of a mountain, overhear deep life regrets on a train, share a bittersweet hug with an essential stranger, pray with people I met just the day before, share a 3 hour conversation about family, travel, life, and God with a Texas stranger -- then none of the mishaps would have mattered.

This trip reminded me that there's so much you can do in such a short amount of time. I can't believe my time here in Italy is almost gone -- and that just keeps me motivated all the more to take advantage of every moment. Volunteering. Choir. Meeting up with Italians. Taking photos. Cooking. Speaking Italian. Painting more. All while sorting out plans for when I return to Ohio.

I'll surely be sharing more about lessons learned the hard way, the eclectic people I met on the road, skills I didn't know I had, and the beauty of uncertainty -- all from a 10 day improvised 11 day trip. I've got a boatload of stories to tell that would last me years, and will be posting plenty of photos on my Tumblr (Instagram also has a "picture-a-day" theme I did for the trip).

Being that blog posts cannot tell the whole story, here's your motivation to have a coffee date with me upon my return. :)

Reasons for Solo Travel

[Photo taken at the Peggy Guggenheim Museum in Venice.]

There are blogs that exist for the sole purpose of solo travel -- and especially for females, so I'm not going to reiterate what's already been done. Here are my top 3 reasons, in no particular order, for why I'm doing 10 days by myself for spring break -- in areas I've never set foot on in my lifetime. 

1. By design, solo travel forces you to learn how to be alone with yourself. 

For some reason, us females have a tendency to even go to the bathroom in groups starting from middle school. Traveling alone makes you come to terms with yourself and your personality. Are you more introverted or extroverted than you thought? Spend time being comfortable alone. Get to know yourself, and what better situation than a challenging one?

2. You can do whatever you want. 

That's not completely true, if you consider extremes, but you are the only one making choices. You decide when to eat, what to eat, where to go, how long to stay. You have the world in front of you, and no one is restricting you but yourself. This sounds selfish, but here's a counter argument to that -- it's actually scary to be this selfish. At least in my experience, my life revolves around a schedule that is indirectly determined by others. Getting to work at a certain time, class schedules have set times, and you have filtered choices. When I am on my own, I always struggle with the endless options. It doesn't help that I'm already an indecisive person, and figuring out what to do with yourself is one of the hardest parts for me. To quote a fellow study abroad student's reaction to my trip: "I wouldn't even know what to do if I traveled by myself!" Well, that's what I'm trying to learn, old sport. :)

3. You get more connected with the world around you, including meeting interesting and kind souls (and sometimes, not-so-kind). 

Without the distraction of someone else traveling with you, you can put your full attention into taking in the atmosphere and beauty of a place. You'll appreciate it in a deeper sense for yourself. When you're on your own, you are also more approachable to strangers (compared to traveling as a couple, family, or group of friends, since no one likes to intrude). There's a certain indescribable feeling of peace and freedom. You're more open to meeting strangers, and vice versa. 

I'm not above saying that I don't have it all together. I hope to conquer all these reasons and more -- I can't recall ever eating out on my own, or arriving at a new location to find my hostel when it's dark. There's still iffy details that remain elusive -- bus timetables, for example. I'll learn to improvise and take the fast trains by myself. And hopefully, my Italian skills will improve by a million. 

I signed up for this because I felt ready to tackle this trip. Taking a trip with friends will be more likely down the road than doing a solo trip to areas of Italy that are more inaccessible. 

Bring it on, world. I'm prepared. 

The People You Meet: Solena Cavalli-Singer

This series will be about the people I meet, whether they're my fellow students or -- if I ever make it to this point -- random strangers on the street. This post features Solena Cavalli-Singer, a year-long study abroad student from Minnesota, who is with me in Florence. 

Solena is currently a sophomore majoring in art history at the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, Minnesota. Her favorite gelato flavor (so far) is biscotti della nonna (grandmother's cookies) at a gelateria in Bergamo, Italy. 

Here's what she has to say about her experience:

"Choosing to study abroad is hands down the best decision I ever made. Coming here made me appreciate my [Italian heritage] even more. Last semester I learned more about myself, who I want to be and how I want to live my life. It has been a great eye-opener. 

It's not necessarily slow here, but the laid-back lifestyle makes you more appreciative of the everyday things. It's less media social here, and more face-to-face social. Almost old-fashioned in a sense -- for example, the passeggiata (going for a walk after dinner) with friends is a very common thing here."

Do you have regrets from last semester, anything you wished you had done?

I wish that the first month, I walked around more .. Simply doing more things. Just being in the city, even for a quick little walk. You keep thinking you have time, but really, time flies.

How has living in a home stay made your study abroad experience different?

In my home stay last semester, my host lady did not speak English. I didn't have the cushion of being surrounded by Americans, and I felt more immersed. This semester I'm actually living with an Italian family, so I get to see how that works. 

What is the most fascinating thing about studying abroad in Florence?

Walking and living in a place where important history happened is so interesting! For example, to be able to see the place where Michelangelo worked, and knowing others who have walked through the same streets. The school we go to used to be a house commissioned by a lady, who may have been the model for the Mona Lisa. That's pretty cool. 

What has been the most challenging aspect so far?

Having self control when it comes to eating. I'm a food snob now. There's just so much good food!

(She answers this question as I am eating a sandwich at 3 in the afternoon…)

What is the most important piece of advice you would give to students who are planning to study abroad in Florence?

Put in an effort to learn the language! Don't NOT take advantage of the opportunity. At least attempt to learn the language. Immerse yourself as much as possible. What's the point in coming here if you aren't going to try?

Would you recommend a semester or a year abroad?

I would recommend a year, if it's possible. I totally believe in [the culture shock curve]. It starts with you being overly excited and happy to be in a new place, then after a while, you experience a dip in your emotions, and finally, once you have a grip on the culture around you and are enjoying everything again, it's time to go home. So I would recommend a year because once you figure everything out, you are able to experience the culture with refreshed eyes. I think what I've gained the most is an appreciation for myself. I know that sounds kind of weird and maybe conceited, but it's true. I become so proud of myself when I know how to get to a place without looking at a map, I'm proud of myself when I understand and can have conversations in Italian, and I love that I feel completely comfortable in a city that I've only lived in for 7 months. It's a very rewarding feeling.

What is one of your favorite things to do in Florence, that you recommend that people should do when they are here?

I like walking around and observing people. One day we walked around and discussed clothing and shoes. Shoes especially are a huge giveaway as to who is an American and who is Italian. You get firsthand knowledge versus looking up and reading about the differences online.

You know you've changed since coming here because. . .

Walking by people, I'm now able to pick up and understand the conversation in Italian. I also now dream in Italian. 

When an American mistook us for Italians, that was also a defining moment. After attempting to speak Italian with us, we said we spoke English and helped him out. He said we had an American accent, and that our English was pretty good -- he thought we were Italians! 

Solena will be here until May, with everyone else in our program. You can tell that she definitely has experienced what it's like to live as a Florentine. She has clearly learned a lot and is almost fluent in Italian!

I definitely agree about putting forth the effort about speaking the language (see goal #3 in this post), and it was great getting another perspective of Florence from another student, especially from one who's been here much longer than me. 

"Each art piece in history tells a story, and we get to decode the puzzle."

Italian Culture: Politics

Disclaimer: As with any culture discussions, this pertains to the general Italian population. Exceptions will always exist, but this post documents what I've observed of Italians as a whole.

I became inspired to write this post when I walked past this street the other night, while on the way to a Greek restaurant. (Speaking of which, was absolutely amazing.. will need to do food-themed posts for a week. Or a month).

For some reason, this graffiti quote fascinated me (P.S. I am by no means supporting the illicit means of graffiti). But it reminded me of home. Besides the fact that it was in English, the statement sounded… American. And it perfectly sums up what many Italians think about the government.

Franca, my host grandmother, can go on for literally hours about the uselessness of the Italian government. If you think we don't respect our American government enough, well, it's definitely worse here. It's a topic of snide comments, sarcastic conversations, and people to poke fun at. Not necessarily in a rude way, but in a normal, day-to-day, cultural way. As if you were talking about the weather.

To help understand how this mindset came to be, consider recent history. After World War I, Mussolini ruled. Then World War II happened, hurting the country even more. However, from 1946 (due to a referendum), Italy became a republic and grew in the post-war period up to the 1960s. This time of peace allowed some prosperity and stability, as with the rest of the world. 

Then we enter into the 1970s. Political upheaval. Uncertainty. Corruption, crime, terrorism, government debt. 

(By the way, the Italian mafia is plenty real and alive, folks. We'll save that for another post).

In 1994, Berlusconi was elected as Prime Minister, but then had to step down after losing support. In 2008, he has somehow reobtained power and is "ruling" Italy, despite the controversies and scandal. Update: the used-to-be-mayor of Florence has now non-democratically become Prime Minister.

That was a very, very brief overview of Italian government, but hopefully gives you some background for understanding the current government.

Last week, a congregation of political figures from all over Italy decided to meet in Rome -- for 30 days, I believe. I'm not educated on the specifics, but to sum up the attitude, there's lack of faith, lots of discussion, no visible results, and not much hope in the government. When we visited Rome last weekend, we passed by a mass of reporters waiting outside a government building, hoping to get a glimpse of one of the mayors. Besides police and journalists, however, there was a surprising lack of ordinary people waiting. 

After explaining to us what the commotion was about, our tour guide (who is also my art history professor) simply walked us on by, acting like it was no big deal that someone politically famous could be exiting, at any moment.

This reaffirms the idea of how Italians identify with their regions (where they're from in Italy), rather national pride with their government.

On a lighter note, here's a video my Italian professor showed us upon our arrival in Italy. I thought it'd be a great intro to my upcoming posts on Italian culture.

(Heads up -- there may be some sound. Adjust speakers accordingly.)

5 Things I Want To Accomplish in Italy

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

1. Take the path less traveled (both literally and figuratively).

Make the study abroad experience your own. Don't just do what everyone else does -- tailor it to what you want out of it. Group activities are great, but you have a limited amount of time. Having some degree of vision of why you are here will help direct your choices and how you spend your time. Make wise decisions. Don't be afraid to travel solo. Visit the neighboring smaller towns, and focus on traveling locally to really know Italy.

2. Get involved in the community. Meet the locals.

I didn't anticipate the amount of effort it would take to break out of the "study abroad bubble" -- the comfort zone that has formed with all the other American students. It's easier to want to adjust and find a routine, as well as being around people that speak English, than those who are different from you in culture, lifestyle, and background. Volunteer. Join a choir. Spend more time with your home stay. Go to the local flea market and talk to people. Accidentally go to a church service in Italian. You'll be surprised at all that you learn.

3. Push myself to learn as much Italian as possible.

Especially in Florence, you probably could get by without speaking any more Italian than "ciao" (I only wish I was kidding). It isn't because Italians speak fluent English -- although some do -- but more of the fact that it's easier for us not to try and learn. It's going to take practice and brainpower, and you have to make a conscious effort to speak it. But do so, and you'll be rewarded with appreciative Italians and a better knack for learning new phrases. It also will better enable you to do #1, 2, and 4 on this list.

4. Continue to try new things. Be more outgoing.

Take different routes to school. Discover a new cafe. Go to the chocolate festival on the other side of town. It's natural to want to find a routine, but getting too comfortable will defeat the purpose of studying abroad. Whether it's braving the bus system without knowing what stop you're getting off at, or trying a gelato flavor that sounds atrocious (pistachio, anyone?), you're abroad to try new things. Don't let fear stop you.

5. “Study the science of art. Study the art of science. Develop your senses – especially learn how to see. Realize that everything connects to everything else.” - Leonardo Da Vinci

I spent a pretty insane amount of time in undergrad studying science -- virology, anatomy, microbiology, chemistry, etc. All my jobs were science-related: nursing, teaching health/biology, tutoring chemistry, working in a chemistry lab. I've only taken 4 liberal arts courses: a religion class taught by a Jewish rabbi, a drawing class (from when I thought I would also major in studio art), an English class, and a regional studies on Africa course.

But now I'm here in Italy to play catch up as an artist to match my science-oriented brain. I know about the individuals that dedicated their lives to deciphering DNA, but what about those that spent 27 years on a set of bronze doors for a city? (Lorenzo Ghiberti)
Human abilities and talents vary immensely, and we need to study both the sciences and arts to better understand the world we live in. Florence has a unique history with both foundations.

A fascinating example would be the Black Plague. Many believe it delayed the start of the Renaissance -- which probably would have started in the 1300s with Giotto (the most influential artist at the time, breaking away from the mold and depicting reality more than idealism). But it didn't because of the plague, thus wiping out the population and putting a halt to art development.

Or when painting, how to use colors with our perception of light. The science in colors (black absorbs, how our brain interprets via the rods/cones of the retina) determine how to apply the theory in painting.
It's all related -- you just have to look for it!

Here's to a semester of artistic and scientific insight with some Italian in the middle. I'm looking forward to sharing experiences of the above accomplishments in future posts!

Travel Musings.

The other day, my friend asked me what my greatest fears are, in the context of Italy.

Here are some fears that immediately came to me:

1. Not making the "most" of my time. 

This is pretty general, since who's to define what's the "most" - is it the more things you said you did, or the amount of different experiences you gained, or the enjoyment of the moments? It's all relative. But my fear is that I'll have spent the time away without having enough memories to last me. I don't want to say, I wish I had visited this place, or taken the time to do that.

2. Not "prepping" enough for my trip.

I'm going to be honest -- I'm often content being the passive traveler, letting somebody else be in control and do the planning if they so wish. I've never actually prepped for a trip, besides the packing, defined as haphazardly throwing some clothing into a bag. This time around, I'm trying to look through guidebooks, learn Italian, and my goal is to make a list of "must-memorize" phrases and "must-go" places. Which there's a lot of, by the way.

3. Not meeting other people I can travel compatibly with.

I'm all for independence in traveling, but honestly, it would be nice to, you know, have someone else be able to help take pictures. Share the stress in travel. Share those one-in-a-few-years memories with. So you know you didn't imagine all of it! It doesn't sound like a very great fear, but it's a very practical one. To have someone that shares your tastes in personal hygiene, budget, interests when traveling, and to a certain extent, personality… 'tis difficult. 

As I'm writing this, however, I'm noticing how they all start with "not." I feel a better attitude should be looking to what  I know I'll gain, rather than my fears. What if they come true? Doesn't help much that I predicted it. . .

I Shall Not Want

The Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack. (Psalm 23:1)

In light of the holiday season, I'd like to share a song that I've been listening to a while now, but whose lyrics did not hit me until today You know what I'm talking about: when you "saw the light" and wondered how you could have NOT heard it or seen it before.

[ From now on, personal goal is to have all pictures on my blog taken by me.. to force more practice. ]

From someone who's opted out of Christmas gifting this year (for family), I thought these lyrics to be insanely appropriate! This is "I Shall Not Want" by Audrey Assad. I could probably go through each line and write commentary on it… (you can play the video below - perhaps play it while reading?)

From the love of my own comfort
From the fear of having nothing
From a life of worldly passions
Deliver me O God

From the need to be understood
From the need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

From the fear of serving others
From the fear of death or trial
From the fear of humility
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

No, I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

This resonates because it is so transparent and mirrors my experience. "From the love of my own comfort" describes exactly what I've been feeling these last few days, freaking out and wondering if I'm insane to be packing a 5-month trip in a carry on and backpack. Wondering if I think I'm braver than I am because I don't speak Italian at all. I need to be delivered from all this. And who doesn't "fear of having nothing"? 

What is the "life of worldly passions"? I see it as things that occupy our heart, things that take away our time from ourselves and from God. I read this very short article yesterday and it is a perfect example: Collect Moments, Not Things - "The things you own end up owing you."

There's some powerful words in this short song, everybody. The ones that stand out the most include the line about being understood (just give it up already, no one's going to fully understand you ever except the Lord. He understands you better than you understand yourself). But the key, the epiphany, the finale is that we will NOT want for anything else as a result of being delivered from all these different fears. Why is that? 

Because when we're delivered from this, we have experienced His goodness - even tasted it. [By the way, the verb taste, I believe, implies the verse:

O taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who trusts and takes refuge in Him. (Psalm 34:8)

How do we come to not wanting anything else?

Because when we've tasted His goodness in delivering us, it can't compare. We come to realize that nothing in this world can compare to the Lord being our refuge. 

What a wonderful, truest-of-the-true conclusion.